Do I Have A Chance At All?

...and so she said to me, "Recently, I've had to use the very tools I taught children over the years, in dealing with bullies, in my own life. Ignore their behavior, I would tell them, that way you end up the winner. Inside it hurts to be around them. Who wants to spend your days dealing with bullies?"

She went on to say that she doesn't understand what keeps happening anymore. Why is it she finds herself not only bullied but also in controlling relationships.

People here and there who-
question where she is going
and with whom
when will she return

People who-
make statements that question what she eats and when
what color her hair is
how much she weighs
how she manages her days and nights

Perhaps they think it is called caring. In her mind it seemed to feel more like control issues. After all, she has had a lot of experience in that area.

I wondered if she would ever find a meaningful and healthy relationship. We talked until late last night, drawing the conclusion that she had many friends in her life that edified who she is, which was very encouraging to her. The ones that she called friends but swayed over the edge of controlling her, were not healthy relationships. Being 'too kind' to speak up verbally to them in defense of her actions, she opted to rebuild the glass wall of protection...again.

Major bummer. The glass wall that she had carefully sculpted around herself during the years past, had shattered not so long ago and far away in time. She felt far too vulnerable now again, in a world she was unsure of.

"Yes, a new wall that will be taller, thicker and would stand the storms of life and protect me from those who mean harm, whether they realize it or not. Solitude would be my companion."

I hope the time she spends behind her new built wall will not become a place she gets too use to. Maybe she will find confidence in who she is becoming, to speak up for herself, if only inside, when hurtful comments and accusations dance their way into her heart.

I have felt it all,
from the sweetest kiss,
to the hurtful words,
and yet my heart,
is neither here nor there,
neither empty nor full,
neither broken nor whole.

Tell me, do I have a chance at all?