Friday, July 31, 2009

Clearly


'We do not see clearly through eyes filled with tears.'

Have you been there - looki
ng at situations or life through tear filled eyes?

Living in the midst of a hard situation can make it almost impossible to do anything more than exist. Words from the Lord or your best of friends dissipate in the air before reaching your ear
s or heart....it seems.

Perhaps instead, it is more t
hat during these times in our life, while we are embraced in the pain and suffering, we are able to appreciate, interpret, learn from and grow from such times and then more capable to move forward. Being more victorious.

Just a morning thought.



Thursday, July 30, 2009

Even If


Even if, one day, freedom arrives.
Even if, one day, she feels brave enough to walk away,

I wonder...

will she ever be rid of the fear.
will her heart ever mend.

Or...
are there too many memories.
are there too many scars.

are wounds too deep.

When the worst is over,

Will...
it all make sense.
the pain go away.

the memories remain.
she find what she needs.

Where to begin.
How to begin.

Can she really begin again.
~N

A Little Longer


I have been playing a game with the heat lately. Mostly the heat wins but I do try to move fans and adjust the air conditioner, adjust blinds etc.

This morning I was able to keep the windows and doors open a little longer than yesterday. The coolness lingered in the morning hours, in fact longer than I had anticipated, which was a fine surprise indeed.

Then the sun came like a blast. It didn't slip in, suddenly the sun and heat had my attention.

So as I shut windows and closed the blinds to keep out the part of the day that was trying to bring misery...again....

I thought of my life and this morning's blessing of a few more minutes of coolness. Perhaps the Lord was speaking to me in that process of game playing I did with the weather this morning.

Will there be an even longer period of coolness tomorrow morning. Perhaps.

Will there still be days when I rise to find the heat has overtaken any coolness the morning might have offered. Perhaps.

But like with all things, it is but for a season.





A Seat of Learning


Many years ago - and it wasn't in my time, and it wasn't in your time - there lived, in a remote part of Wales, a young man. He was a shepherd and spent his days and nights looking after a few sheep that he had inherited from his parents before they died. He was very poor, for the sheep brought him little income. He had barely enough to feed and clothe himself with. But he had his dreams. Dreams of a successful future, in which he saw himself studying at a great seat of learning, and using his knowledge to make a great impression on the world. He dreamed of a world in which all young people would have an opportunity to go to school and study in order to improve the quality of their lives and multiply their opportunities. Just as he himself had longed to do.

And although he very much loved the sheep in his care, the beauty of the countryside, the passing of the seasons, and the joy of waking each new day, he sensed there was more to life than this. And somehow he knew that to achieve what he wanted he would somehow have to make his own fortune.

In the summer months he would spend much of his time in the high pastures of the Welsh hills where it was quiet and solitary. Often he would sleep in the ruins of an abandoned chapel, curling up beside the stone walls, sheltering under what remained of the roof, and protected from the weather by the leaves of a great oak tree that had, many years before, seeded itself in the floor of the old church, and now spread its huge branches and leaf canopy above and beyond the confines of the ruined walls.

One night , as he slept here, the boy had a dream. And the dream planted a seed. The boy dreamed that a strange figure, dressed from head to foot in white and green, had come to him and said, "Why do you remain here? If you wish to live your dream, wake up! Do not wait for the world to give you what you seek. Take action! What you want, you must seek. Go to London. On London Bridge your fortune waits. That's where you'll find it. Go seek."

And the acorn in his mind began to grow, and he sold his sheep, saying goodbye solemnly to each one, and began to plan the long walk to London. He took with him sheep's cheese to taste, and pure Welsh spring water to drink, and with the freshness of the upland smells in his clothes and in his hair, he set off. He crossed wide valleys and roaring rivers, he skirted sprawling cities and hiked high hills, he traced the tracks of traders, always heading south and east, until finally he arrived at the great metropolis of London Town.

Now in those days, London Bridge was rather different than it is today. It had many, many arches, and on each side of the bridge, all the way across the river, were shops and houses. The bridge was crowded, bustling with all kinds of life. There were merchants standing in the doorways of their shops shouting their wares. There were horses and carts bringing people and animals to and from the market, the rich passing by in their carriages, and the poor passing by on foot, peering into shop windows at things they couldn't afford. All the world was there, in all its richness. The sights, smells, and sounds of bustling city life.
The young shepherd arrived one day at noon. He had never seen so much activity, or heard so much noise, or felt such excitement in his life. But he was on a mission to find his fortune, so he walked along the length of the bridge to find his destiny. And then he walked back to find where he might have missed it. And returned again. And back again. Time and again, all afternoon and evening, searching for what he could not find. He searched long into the night, long after everybody had gone home, until, exhausted, he finally slumped down in a shop doorway and slept.

He dreamed of his sheep that now he very much missed...

Until he got woken rudely at six o'clock in the morning by a sharp kick in the ribs. "Oi! Get up you little rascal," roared the merchant whose doorway he had slept in. "Whatch'er up ter? I been watchin' ya'll yes'day art' noon'n'evenin'. Watch'er up ter? Walkin' up 'n down. Nosin' in at all the shops. Lookin' at cracks in the pavin' stones. Wondrin' what might fall off the back o' carts. I've a good mind ter turn y'over t' law. Wha's yer game, son?"

"I came here to seek my fortune," stammered the shepherd. "I had a dream."

The merchant rolled his eyes. A small crowd had gathered. "You'll have to do better 'an that, sunshine. Tell us about this dream o' yours, then."
The shepherd explained about the stranger in the white and green robe. "He told me I'd find my fortune here on London Bridge. So I came here all the way from Wales, sold all my sheep see, to find it."

The merchant roared with laughter. "Pay no attention to dreams. Dreams are for fools, children, old women, and the likes. Take my advice, get a proper job, and get on with your life. Work and destiny; that's what matters. Now, move on."

"But my dream ... "

"Listen," cut in the merchant. "Dreams are a waste of space. They're just the devils work. I had a dream m'self last night ... but I'd as soon cut my own throat as take any notice of it. Let me see now. There I was, on a high Welsh hillside, and there was an old ruin church, made of stone and with no roof, and in the middle of that ruin there grew an enormous tree. An oak tree. And there I see, buried deep under the soil, between the roots of that vast oak, a chest of treasure, hidden in haste long ago by a one-eyed pirate. Hah! It's just a dream, a childish fantasy. That's all. Nothing more."

But the young shepherd had already gone, heading back north and west to the Welsh hills. Heading back to the land of his fathers, towards the sweet smelling pastures of the uplands he had left behind so many weeks ago. And it wasn't long before he started digging.


******

The Shepherd never did go to a seat of learning, but he did something else instead. He used his fortune - the pirate's treasure - profitably, and in time became a wealthy merchant, the richest in those parts. And with his profits he built schools, he attracted the best teachers, he offered scholarships for the poor. And it wasn't long before that particular part of his native land had as rich and diverse a culture as any other place in the kingdom.

Today you can still find his statue at the centre of the town where he built his first seat of learning for the poor and underprivileged.

Follow your dream

And seek it out

Your fortune may be closer than you think

Notice all that is around you

Do not dismiss an acorn

However small

For the acorn is the father to the oak.

Primary sources: Hugh Lupton, Paolo Coelho, Sufi tradition




...First love with all its storm, raging like fire within, you toss your heart to chance--you swear the dance will never end. But then it does, and someone says goodbye. And after all those empty nights you've cried, morning lets you wake as good as new, that's the kind of day I wish for you...


Wish you were within reach
I am adrift wit
hout you
Where are y
ou tonight


Someday the memories
Will fade away
and then I

can live again


Not sure
but someo
ne said
I will l
ive to survive
...
another dayNeed someone
to listen

to my heart


Sometimes
you have to
let it go


Will this be the day
Our journey
begins

Will this be t
he day
Our lives draw closer

Will this be the day
I give you my heart
and all that I am




Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Heat Escape

Are you tired of hearing about the heat?! If that is the case, then please pass me by cause I am still soooo talking about the high temps we are having. After all, it is history in the making and we are part of it.

giggle

I heard the same story this past winter about living in history making days, when I made silly attempts to drive to work on snow days only to discover just how not fun it is to slip in the parking lot. I love it when there are no witnesses for such occurrences.

Last night around 6:00, a delivery had to be made. Someone needed a lawn mower. Who in their sound mind, would be thinking of mowing this week? :)

I went along to keep the driver company. I wasn't looking forward to leaving the house I had been working feverishly on to keep cool, failing at it though but determined to keep at it. And so it was, I bravely put my hand on the door knob and gave it a slow turn. - hey baby steps here

The heat hit me. I didn't know weather could do that. I expect it from snowflakes, hail and rain drops but not heat....hmmm

We drove along back roads that were tree lined. I guess you know now that I continued to be brave and did make it to the car. First of all, I must say I was in awe. I have lived here for 19 years and yet have only ventured to a hand full of places in this wonderful part of the world and that road was not one of them. Even though the road was at the other end of Winston Creek which is where I live. sheltered life...I know, I know

Not only was the view inspiring, the air was cool too there also. And oh my, there was a lake there I had never even heard of. Something with bell on the end of it. Most of you from this area probably know which one I mean and have experienced the beauty of that area.

Life lesson - for me:

Staying content in my home where I moved fans and adjusted the a/c left me almost miserable.

When all I needed was to make a move, become proactive towards a change in the misery of my surroundings.

sigh
and bummer

I will have to remember this tid bit



The Little Things

There are some people who exist best when others say the words I love you often.

Maybe because I am a visual learner. Maybe because I am a woman. Maybe and simply because I am me, I prefer -

More than words

True story -

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, after a hard day of work, I arrived home to find little things that said I love you. Fact is, the giver was seated in a comfy chair dressed up as if ready for a date....

sigh

It was a normal, ordinary kind of day. Much like all the days that had gone before. Except - what a fine looking man, all dressed up and with a kind smile, watching me, waiting for my response as I entered the room and saw one little thing after another that said, I love you. He didn't point them out, that made it all the more special. The beds were made, the place was picked up, there was special chocolate candy....oh my, and a bottle of water on ice, I love that! There was more of course but you get my point. All of those little things said I love you.

That is all I ever want. All the little things that say I love you, to me, were far more cherished than the words ever could express. Please don't use words when your actions don't match up.

How about you?
Care to share with me stories of ways you or others expressed love and care without words?

I would treasure hearing from you. dieball@tds.net




Friend


A friend asked me to help them with some positive changes they are wanting to make in their life. Sometimes I hesitate with such requests. I try never to 'dive' into a task I might not be able to give my all to. Hmmm hard to explain but I hope you get my meaning.

Thing is, this friend has asked me the same request in reference
to the same positive change numerous times over the years.

Would an argggggg be inappropriate? I will keep it to myself then.

However hurray, they acknowledge there is an area they need to work on, I am in agreement with that portion. Bummer that the steps they take to get there never seem to be successful. Honestly I think they are more of a hearer than a listener.

This is my observation. They recognize an area they need to adjust in their life, for their health and for those around them. Then, rather than seeking discovery in why they have the issue to begin with, they mask it and hold it ins
ide, all the while, going through each day pretending to be a changed person. Making statements that they are a changed person. That person is no longer who they are. I can't even imagine how trying that must be for them.

Hmmm

I am telling the truth here when I say I can actually see them blowing up. Even on some days, I am sure they are blowing up balloons as their cheeks are puffed which means they have held back long enough and the explosion is about to take place.

They don't mean to, they just can't seem to understand the process and for whatever reason, don't seem to want to hear about it either.



So does that mean they really don't want to change.

Does that mean they have other reasons for making the statement that they want to change.

Hmmm again

When the explosion happens, it's not pretty. It isn't like the Fourth o
f July, but kinda sorta. There are the explosion sounds, yes I did say sounds. Anyone close by feels like they have been assaulted so hence the colorful display.

Back to the request. I consider myself a good friend. I prefer to find the best in people and focus on that. Someone stands before me wanting support even though I know the past pattern, even though I
am weary of the presentations for the same request, my heart won't let me say anything other than yes, you have my support.

However, I feel sad in having no confidence that there will be success.

I feel sad in that I am now beginning to wonder what lies behind the sudden and timely desires to make a change....suspicious if you will.

And so, this time I am making a change for myself. I will not be offering up words to my friend. My support will be more silence in the way of words to them and sending my words heavenward with more fervent prayers. I am going to keep on keeping on while giving the WHOLE situation to the Lord. He is so much wiser than I am. He holds the answers, I don't. He is God and I am not.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Controlling


You asked why they have to be so controlling. Why do they feel a need to control others.

Interesting question.

I pondered for a bit.

Aren't most of us in some form or another - controlling - of others - of our environment.

It may be the trouble or issue area is in how we use that control - for good or not so good.

I want you to know I think it is cute the way you control without knowing you really are.

Tis true

Separate Paths


They are walking separate paths
He has his hang out
She has her own
His friends are not her friends
Talk between them is all business
The endearing words are long forgotten
Rule book says that's not the way it should be
But then rules can be hard to follow
Where will they go from here
Where is the happy ever after
He loves me, he loves me as I am ....

He loved me yesterday and yes he will still love me tomorrow.

For he loves me today, just the way I am.

Only Time



Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
only time
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
only time

Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart

Night keeps all your heart


Who knows - only time



I thought I heard your voice though I could not hear
just what you say and I am waiting
And I'm waiting here for you

I am whispering your name
I am telling to the wind
Your love has brought me here
'Til I see you again
I am opening the door
I will let this moment in
Your love will find me here
'Til I see you again



Your Day


It is my youngest sons birthday today.


I can still recall labor day...giggle

I was saddened by the day. Is that crazy talk...perhaps. I knew from the labor pains that the precious gift I held inside o
f me for nine months was now leaving my care. Words will come from my heart to his and he will no longer perceive them like he had in those months. In a few hours, he will no longer be as protected from the world. I will never again hold him as I was holding him at that moment. It will never be the same.

Time will continue
He will grow

He will experience life at its best and at its worst

I sat at the edge of the hospital bed, tiny toes, tiny hands, his body wrapped snug in a soft bl
anket I had picked out just for him, but mostly wrapped in my love and covered in my prayers for a blessed life.

How now can it be that this small child is taller
than I today.

How now can it be he is so wise and caring.

Will he always run to feel safe in my arms.

Will he drink in the richness of the world.

Have I trained you up, my child, in the way that I should.

How will you deal with the
challenges that come your way.

As quickly as a season passes, so it seems you have grown.

May every dream that you dare to dream come true.


May “Your roots … grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” Ephesians 3:17-18





Ever had a moment you wanted to capture

In your heart


To treasure the passion

To embrace the pleasure


That you are in the midst of


So you can relive all over again

This time

That you hold so dear


This beautiful memory

Sealed in your heart

To relive over

And again


For
ever


Enlighten My Darkness


Last night, the last place I wanted to be was outside. It was HOT.

This morning I went outside to tend to the fish in the pond. I took a step on the porch and was in no hurry to continue any further. The coolness in the air was familiar, yet at the same time, not what I had felt when I ventured on the porch last night to view the thermometer - which was a mistake! This morning, this place, was the only place I wanted to be.

Inhale and exhale. Take in the cool morning air. Perhaps if I stood there in that manner long enough I could fill up my entire being, sealing it in somehow to last the entire day.


I reflected on how I felt last night to this morning and life. Are you surprised? Try not to be.

No matter how HOT things might be in your life from time to time. No matter where you might be in a circumstance that is unpleasant, horrendous, or you feel not survivable, open yourself up the glimpses of serenity that God places in your life. He does. I believe that. I've experienced it. It isn't a tease but a reflection, a reminder of where you are going, to encourage you along. It can strengthen your faith that the serenity you long for is on its way.

That faith will help you endure.

In moments like that, allow the inspiration to flow in and be filled. God causes everything to work together for those who love God.


The picture is entitled Enlighten My Darkness. It seemed fitting.


...with every new day, there comes a song with the dawn


Monday, July 27, 2009


Words from this book:

"It's not about me. It's about God's glory. The breath you took as you read that last sentence was given to you for one reason, that you might for another moment "reflect the Lord's glory": 2 Corinthians 3:18 . God awoke you and me this morning for one purpose; "Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples" 1 Chronicles 16:24.

"God made all things and everything continues through and for him. To him be the glory forever" Romans 11:36. "There is only one God, the Father, who created everything and we exist for him" 1 Corinthians 8:6

Why does the earth spin? For him.
Why do you have talents and abilities? For him.
Why do you have money or poverty? For him.
Everything and everyone exists to reveal his glory.
Including you.


I wish I were more like you
Pretending it never happened

But, I'm not like you
It did happen
I can't pretend otherwise



some times

some reasons

separate family

those that you love

until
we
meet
again

The morning is still

The sun has yet

To join the celebration

Of a new dawn

Lost


It is a known fact that when I take a trip, short or long, to a new location, I get lost. It has been a mild but hurtful joke with my sons for years but I am ready to move past that.

I had not even given it thought... why do I always got lost...I give every other itty bitty thing in my life thought.

I know why now. I knew why but realize, like with many things, I blocked it out.

When I was in my early twenties, a traveled places to and fro without mapquest or google. I had confidence. I was unafraid to try new adventures and with an exciting world out there to explore, I was a bit more of a diver than a wader.

Then along came a someone into my life and a few happenings, that I allowed to steal my confidence away. I know it is my fault. My only defense is I didn't see it coming and was not properly armed.

These words are razors to my wounded heart. - William Shakespere

The way I had become, the person I saw myself as was shaped by those around me, those I loved and held dear in my heart.

I had no confidence. I knew that whether I did my best or failed, it didn't really matter. There would be fault found in everything I did. I never have been able to meet that someones expectations. I don't know why. Maybe they don't either. It becomes draining. I have become weary.

Recently I went on a couple of trips my myself. They were insightful. I am noticing that the more positive thoughts that I fill myself with, the more the negative ones dissolve. In this recent heat wave we are having most likely they are melting out of me :) I set my own expectation of time arrival, stops along the way, etc. It was liberating.

I have two more trips planned for this summer. I am ready to take a risk. I am going alone. When I pack my bags...HEY, I am a woman who requires more than one bag on a trip...I will be armed, prepared and am going to enjoy rediscovering the confidence that once was lost and I am so desperately seeking. I know I can't always wait for change to take place. I know I need to be an active participant.

"...do not give way to fear. " Peter 3:6

"now we should live when the pulse of life is strong. Life is a tenuous thing..fragile, fleeting. Don't wait for tomorrow. Be here now!"

"You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free."
Tom Petty





"Then the time came when the risk it took
to remain tight in a bed was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom
Anais Nin








I ran around the room again
I ran outside and ran back in
And I just couldn't get away from myself
I don't care what tomorrow brings
I won't back down for anything
I want to think that I was made for something else


I can't wait anymore
I'm ready to reach
So I'm closing the door behind me


All that I can do is hold onto you
And follow where you lead
Where you're leading me
All that I can do is hold onto you
And let you bring me through
It's all that I can do

There are days I think I don't need you
There are days when I can't see the truth
I need you to save me from the lies
Because every thought that's in my head
And even when I draw my next breath
You knew it all before there was time


When the waves begin to rise
And all my hope fails
In confidence I'll close my eyes
Trusting you'll be there


Sunday, July 26, 2009

my son


I put on my bathing suit and headed to the back yard to sun bathe. My two sons looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Don't you know Jarrad is coming over?"

"Why yes I do son," I responded with a smile.

No smile in return only continued with the wide eyes.

Apparently, moms with bathing suits are the same as having a contagious disease that no one wants to be around or see and should be saved for times when no one is home.

hmmmm

"I promise, I will be in the back yard. You guys are going to be in the house. When I come in, I don't plan to put on a fashion show."

They did not change their attitudes.

I did not change my plans.

The rays from the sun met my 'mom' arms, legs and face.

The friend and my sons eyes never had to look upon the sight that seemed so WRONG! giggle

kids!

I love each and every one of them, most of the time. :)

resigned to

does not mean the same as

content with



Garden


Last summer I told you how I spent tim
e watching my garden not grow.

Determined to not allow that to be a repeat, I ordered seeds and plants online through a well respected company.
I had four above ground planters made.
I had soil brought in.

Plants grew a few inches then stopped - again. :(

I pretended it didn't matter but it did.


I have talked to every 'gardener' and 'old timer' from these parts. I surfed the net for answers.

In casual conversation, someone offered up a simple solution.

Have you fed the soil?


hmmm

I did all the 'right' things for my garden, neglecting the one thing that was the most important. I learned a valuable garden lesson and took away a spiritual one as well. Are you with me?

I know


...it is going to be hot today. The weatherman said so and we ALL KNOW they ALWAYS know the facts!

:)

So, I'm preparing. The fans were going early to cool the house. I will close curtains and adjust windows when the time is right.

Thing is - it is not always fool proof. Often by dinner time, on very hot days, the house is on the uncomfortable side and there is nothing I can do to bring relief other than hog the a/c.


Life lesson
I can prepare for an event or a day giving it my all and then some. But as life is life, and comes at me from all sides sometimes, it can cause me to feel the heat and uncomfortableness with no relief in sight.

I know, if I hold on to the one source that brings me strength and keeps me going, I'll make it through.

It is only for a season.
This too shall pass.

Relationships


...are complicated because people are complicated...to me

right when I think I know someone, they change
- or is it that I change

and

if we both keep changing.

how will we ever catch up with each other

Counter clear
Cluttered counter

I turn off the lights
They turn them back on

I like the windows
OPEN
They go behind me and CLOSE them

Sheet only plz when I sleep
Sheet and comforter
for them

Hot coffee for me
Soda pop for them

Car on hot day - a/c plz

'Roll the windows down!'


bummer


It's ok, too perfect of a world might be boring

:)











Walkin'


Before the new dawn broke I was walking - in someone else's shoes.

I am proud of myself for wearing shoes! :) I was on my treadmill. I learned last summer that treadmills tend to chew up bare toes and spent several weeks of recovery - I know - silly lady - but I had such lovely manicured toenails that I did not want to cover up!

You noticed I said 'someone else's shoes'. Tis true. I am evolving. I am not who I was yesterday or Friday. I am not now who I will be tomorrow, so my shoes - but not my shoes. Does that make sense?

I looked down to read how far I had walked. 73.28. giggle That was the calories I was burning. Still, a pleasant number. 1.28 miles today!

Why register the .28, afterall, it is such a small amount. My walk is baby steps. I don't dive like you do, I wade in. I am one baby step closer (1 +.28) towards my goal.

How did we move from someone else's shoes to goals and baby steps....haven't you figured out yet how my mind works?

I have several goals. I love setting goals. Some are top priority.

You too? cool

One of my new high priority goals is to walk every morning. I can't walk the easement road I am on, it is too short unless I venture down the embankment to the lake...in the early morning hours before dawn when I am up and walking.....SPLASH! :)

Winston Creek - I won't be walking down there. No walking space...argg ... who's in charge!

Thus, the treadmill. I moved it yesterday to a new position in front of a window...all by myself thank you very much. I am a CAPABLE woman you know. I downloaded some 200+ songs on an ipod given me from my new bestest friend so I was set and enjoyed my morning indoor walk.

Look out goals cause I am on a roll

Second goal of high importance was to have a talk with someone in particular...not just someone random...don't be silly :) Most of the time, I have a purpose to all I do.

I rehearsed. I prepared. I worried...just cause I do. :) I was psyched and ready! I had every possible response they might toss my way, covered in my mind and just KNEW this 'talk' would be successful.

Funny thing about talks/conversations, they involve more than one person and if person #2 has not been informed, how do they know to prepare or participate?


Hmmmmmm


Long story made short....only a wee portion of what I wanted to say got said. Response was nothing more than grunts and blank stares meaning to me, I'm hot, had a long day and I'm not listening...


bummer










Looking back,
that's what it would be like,
without you in my life.

At the end of the day
good or bad
changes or no changes
life goes on

the sun will set
with or without your permission
you will sleep or you won't
either way,
you won't stop tomorrow from coming


the sun will rise to greet a new day
with or without your permission

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Compassion



I went to a friends home this morning and we chatted...I take that back...we cried.

She is the only friend I have like her. No matter where we are in the world, we can feel each others pain, we know when the other of us is hurting.

We wake in the night and hear the others name. The feelings are deep and hard to describe but there are times when I have a heavy pain in my being that rises to release sobbing. It's compassion.

She doesn't live nearby anymore. :( We were neighbors for years. I'm glad I cherished that time, especially now that our visits are few.

Today was the day.
One of us knew the other was in need so first the phone call.
Yep, true enough, after the hello and hearing the familiar voice, the tears flowed.
One of us was in need. The other one was there.
The meeting always begins with a hug. I am not a hugger - I already know I am weird but thanks for reminding me - someday we can sit and chat about it over a Starbucks Chai Tea. She is one person a hug feels natural with. Don't try to analzye that, I have and have not figured it out yet.

It's the kind of friendship you can say anything and neither of us are shocked. Don't get excited or try to investigate because we are both very boring people so the shock value will be low...giggle Everything and anything said is confidential. I appreciate that...wouldn't you?

I hope you have a friend like that. At least one. There are times when I am scared and feel like I will never fit in, I feel all alone...you too?...but then I am reminded of the blessings of special people in my life like my friend in Centralia and the one I have in Kent, then suddenly all is well again.

I hope you enjoy your weekend. Today the weather started heating up for us in this corner of the world and it is going to get hotter as the week progresses. As with all the princesses, I have an a/c and I like to share so feel free to stop by if the need rises.



Grandchildren



Yep, it is true, I am the old lady who needs to go to Old Lady Anonymous like my son says which would explain that I am old enough to have four grandchildren. I don't suppose you have to be old to be a grandparent but in my case, it makes more sense to my kids.

I don't have the pleasure and blessing of seeing my grandchildren though. Two are boys, two are girls. oooo how I would love to buy lacy dresses and cowboy boots but I don't have that joy...yet....someday...I hope and pray.


In the meantime, until the day comes when I can see them face to face, love on them, read them stories and hold bugs they find and bring to me, dip my feet in the cold lake while holding their hand, sit on the porch and watch and listen to the thunder storms together....I send these words in the night breeze to rest with them, wherever they may be...



Hold on to Jesus

You're a little piece of heaven
You're a golden ray of light
And I wish I could protect you
From the worries of this life
But if there's one thing I could tell you
It's no matter what you do
Hold to Jesus
He's holding on to you

The world will try to tell you
That might is more than right
That beauty's on the outside
And being good's a losing fight
But remember what I've told you
Because the world will make you choose
Hold to Jesus
He's holding on to you

Hold on to Jesus
Cling to His love
Rest deep in His mercy
Whenever things get rough
Don't lose sight of His goodness
And don't ever doubt this truth
That when you hold on to Jesus
He's holding on to you

Hear me dear Jesus
Rock this little one to sleep
Keep her close when she's scared
And give her grace when she is weak
I know she'll stumble
But I know she'll make it through
If you hold to her just like
You said You'd do
Hold her Jesus
And she'll hold on tight to You

Jonathan, Dakota, Willow and Emily,

Grandma loves you

Faith

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. Hebrews 11:1

Tough to grasp sometimes, isn't it, even if we believe and trust that God will come through. The results aren't dictated by the circumstances around us but because God has been and always will be faithful.

So, even when we can't see around the corner of a mountain, even when we don't hold the agenda book in our hands,or we get lost, keep going, keep walking, don't give up. Have enough faith to trust that He has wonderful things in store for you. He won't let you down.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Different


I woke up feeling weary. It's becoming a pattern. At least it is - or I am, consistent.

This morning I got up a wee bite earlier than my normal early. Just how early would that be? You will have to figure it out for yourself but it was still a bit dark out. Did that help?

I got ready as quietly as I could for my morning. I had to go grocery shopping. No likey to shopy. Yes, I am a lady and I do like chocolate but the shopping thing is not so fun for me. Although I do enjoy the quiet it brings since I usually shop alone.

I sat in the living room and listened to the Message channel on TV. Do you do that too? For us local folks it is channel 826. I sat there and jotted down ideas for stories and chatted with the Lord. Oh, you didn't know He is an early riser also? true story

Finally 6:00 came and I could make more noise since people were waking for work. I got dressed and did some chores. Then came to the computer to check on a few things before heading out.

I was feeling calm and mostly ready to start the day but that all changed. Life does keep coming at us, doesn't it?

I read a message sent to me via email and it was hurtful. Why do people do that? They didn't exactly say anything mean but their intentions were not friendly. Know what I mean?

Stuff like that comes our way all the time, doesn't it? People rolling their eyes when you ask a question or sales people or a boss, short with you. bummer Some people don't think before they respond or speak. After thought doesn't work too well. The damage is already done...agree?

....and so I cried inside, keeping consistent with my pattern :) Got in my car and headed to town.

Only thing was this time I changed things up. I was given an ipod recently. I went over board and downloaded over 100 songs the first day. My smarty pants son told me that I could download possibly 5,000 songs. way cool he is so smart

I put the head set in and listened to Fernando Ortega and Chris Rice all through the store. I don't usually chat with people anyway as I am focused on the task at hand so that was consistent also.

I noticed half way through the store that I was wearing a smile.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? Remember, you don't like this store because it is all topsy turvy. True enough I was still walking in maze form through the store as they changed things again but I did it without arggggggggg and there was no stomping involved. :)

By the time I got to the register I was at peace.

Know why?

I took Jesus with me and left the distractions out.

I got a text from a friend who was feeling down. The text arrived just as I was loading up my car with two cart fulls of groceries...see what living with teenage sons does to my grocery bill? I was able to stop and text them back. I finally sat in my car and finished sending a few back and forth with them. Due to the filling up the Lord gave me and the distractionless (I know, that is not a word) morning, I was able to help them. We both felt great. Isn't the Lord wonderful.



~~
Jesus Calling

What do you see when you look at your world today,
Is it so full of clutter that you feel like your going insane
But you can't fight back 'cause you're just too afraid
And it feels like the clouds in your sky don't wanna change
You see theres always another story
Another side to every coin
But how you see your circumstance is all about a choice


When you see the rushing wing, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
You're blinded by the lighting
Do you also hear that still, small voice saying it's okay

You're not alone, you may be scared to death
But I won't let you go

You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling


What do you see when you look at your world today
Do you see a glimmer of hope or has it all turned to gray
well start by counting you blessings one by one
And I'm sure right there you'll start to see the sun
You see theres always another story
Another side to every coin
But how you see your circumstance is all about a choice

You paint the night
you count the stars and call them by name
the skies proclaim
god you reign
your glory shines
you teach the sun when to bring a new day
creation sings god you reign

God you reign
god you reign
forever and ever
god you reign

You part the seas
you move the mountains with the words that you say
my song remains
god you reign
you hold my life
you know my heart and you call me by name
i live to say god you reign

hallelujah, hallelu