Point Being...

My point of this day's blog is to ramble so please don't stop midway and say hey, I was never warned that this would ramble on and on while I search for the point of it all.

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I wish life events came with a warning. I am not a kinda sorta girl that likes surprises and well, life has plenty of them. That does not mean I don't want to participate in life or always stand on the sideline of life, but I do a lot of baby stepping which keeps me safely within my comfort zone.

All I ever wanted to be was a mom and a P.E. teacher. I remember one lonely day when I was 17, coming home from school and finding the house empty...again. When I ask mom about that ... some 40 years later, she claims I am WRONG, she was always there when I got home from school. Hmmmm go figure

I walked over to the hearth above the fireplace that mom never used, picked up my senior picture and wondered who I would be one day. That is when I knew a mom and P.E. teacher were going to be my goal.

My older and younger brothers were both gone from home at that time, my two MUCH older sisters ;) had gotten married the previous year, my father had requested mom and I move from California to live in the wet state of Washington right before he passed away in October of 1971. I remember the month so well as if it were still a current event. I remember a lot of wondering going on in my brain during the days when we, the family, sat near dads hospital bed in Long Beach, watching him slowing become a stranger until one day the bed was empty, he had moved on and left a lot of unanswered questions - in my mind, and an empty space at the head of the dinner table - that is, when he was home.

The odd thing about that month that gets me is my younger brother was born in the month of October and was there a sign or reason for dad passing away during that particular month? I find most things in life are not just by happenstance and so I have pondered that over the years.


I became a mom. I did not make it as P.E. teacher. I did not have friends to speak of growing up but have a plethora of friends now. I still can't do rock the cradle with a yo-yo but I can unwrap a dark chocolate candy bar in perfect silence while sitting in a movie theater. I run funny, my boys tell me I run like a girl. hmmm But I am a girl I tell them, to which they reply, "No you're not a girl, you're a mom." I responding by telling them how delighted I am to have that knowledge for my journal and will be sure to share the info with all the other non-girl moms I am friends with at our next 'gotta have ice cream' night out. I can't play piano or guitar, both of which I wish I could, but I lip sync very well.

I wondered what the point of my life was ... again. Do you do the same thing - from time to time ponder what you have accomplished and look around at just where you are in life and mumble, 'what's the point?'

If by chance those words cross your mind, think about this, if you will....

Is it not a fact that where you are in life at this moment, whether pleasant or not so pleasant, revolve around others? Are you not a gentle ripple in many lives? The child at a park, who sat with feet dangling from a swing, their arms stretched up high and hands gripping the chain and you wondered how such a tiny body even hoisted themselves up that far to get into the seat. You made a moment happen no matter how insignificant it may have seemed, as you walk behind them and gently guide their motion until their feet are sailing in the sky. You helped a friend out who needed a listening ear. Have you baked more brownies than you felt were safe to have in your home and shared with staff at your work? You made a ripple of joy in the world. What about the phone call to your parents?

So, to say your life is pointless, is kinda sorta like saying those people have no point or meaning either. Am I right or is that crazy talk? Even if you are in a place right now that is so dark you can't feel the warmth of daylight, if you think that nothing you do or say makes a difference, when last night began the first of every sleepless night, if there is pain in your heart ........

You can fill that paragraph up with your own thoughts. All I know is that I kinda sorta feel that I have nothing to offer. I never feel I do enough for my children, that I must not have been good at being a wife or things would not have ended as they did, and at times, I feel I let my friends down when my too short budget does not allow me to hang out as often as I am asked. So, what then is the point.

Point is, if my sister were to say the very same words I would tell her how much of an impact her early morning text messages mean to me and what would I do without her if her text didn't come one day. If my youngest son felt that way too and did not text me preciously at 9:00 p.m. every night to tell me good night and he loves me. If my friend from Turkey thought those thoughts and did not show up for work so I could see her smiling face and hear her contagious laughter when I tell her a joke (that I would have to explain due to her lack of the English language BEFORE she laughs :) ).

I guess what I am rambling on about is when you or I feel our life seems pointless, and you or I feel we don't seem to be making headway at all...

as for me....I will ponder those in my life that have made a ripple effect bringing comfort, joy, laughter and a reason to face another day, to mine and then rethink how I am feeling about the gentle ripples I make.