5 minutes

"Five minutes away." That was the text message I sent one of my sons to let him know I was almost to their house for a visit.

My stomach muscles were tight. I was anxious. I had been on spring break from school and in trying to conserve gas, as gas prices are WAY too high, I opted to make the 40 minute drive only twice instead of the 5 day trips to work then stopping to visit them in between jobs.

It was only a matter of moments before I arrived but during then, I thought about how we might spend our time together, I wondered if they were both up, if they had eaten and if they hadn't, what could I make for them, if we would play Yahtzee or a card game. Maybe they had a new puzzle we could work on together....

Finally the last corner to turn on. I pulled onto the gravel easement road. One hand was on the seat belt 'clicker'. As I pulled into the carport I could see out of the corner of my eye, the side door to the house open. Tears of joy welled in my eyes. I wiped them away, grabbed my keys, purse and cell phone then headed to the open arms of the biggest part of my life......

~~

Five minutes away....only this time it was in the opposite direction. I was heading back to my apartment. If only....but if only's are only wishes and wishes don't always come true. My stomach muscles were tight. I was anxious...

Out of all the parts of my life, being a mother is the TOPS.



One day I will be just like Elmer Fudd, owning a mansion and a yacht. My children and grandchildren will be with me.

Dreaming

I heard it said...."if you don't know where you are going, you might end up somewhere else."

I had not given that thought before. I have been kinda sorta moving through my days and kinda sorta sleeping through the nights, not really having a grasp, goal or focus where I am really going. It has been more like finding creative ways to exist in this part of the hundred acre woods with all the wolves, hoping a gentle creature from the woods will guide me. Are there any fairies out there.... :)

I gave those words thought as that is what I do to every word that is spoken to me. I determined that I have stayed in a holding pattern of survival for too long to where I am kinda sorta stuck.

It has been said to me that my dreams and wants are too big. Hmmm
Maybe those speaking the words think too small.

If per chance to dream....I will wait for a sign where to move on to. I would like to turn back the clock but in reality, that is not feasible. If I have time and a break available, which I am seeking to find, I will make my world new. One day...soon I hope....I will open my eyes to that brand new day. I will have renewed strength to greet the day and embrace all that comes and know it is heaven sent.

problems

Uh, I have two problems.

One: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

And two: I don't know who you are anymore.

I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.