Refined

Someone who I had not seen in many years was chatting with me the other day. During the course of our conversation they suddenly tossed a question out that left me...well....hmmm....uncertain of how or whether to respond.

They asked if I were refined.

I could have given them a response because I did have one. But I got to thinking. Do they not know. Are they trying to figure me out. How I have changed over the years, was it positive, was it negative. Were they taking a survey. What had I just said or done that prompted that question....

Last time we chatted was over 30 years ago. ~~Ahem, that does not make me old, simply older :) ~~ Happily I am not now who I was then and hope to not be who I am now in 30 years.

The most fair response was to allow them to find that out on their own and be their own judge.

You know why?

Do you want to know why?

giggle

I will assume here that if you don't want to know, you will go on to reading elsewhere. However if you have decided to stick around here goes...

Once upon a time I worked very hard at many things, attempting to do well at them all. I came to the conclusion, not long after days and days of blood, sweat and tears that it was an impossible task. I therefore decided to take one at a time until I had mastered them.

I began with cleaning. I liked cleaning, always have. I researched, read, listened to women young and old on cleaning secrets. One day I achieved my goal. My mother in law even said my floors were so clean you could eat off of them. I wonder if she knew when she was not visiting that my little ones.... at the time I had toddlers...did in fact have a snack at times while sitting on the kitchen floor within eye range so I could continue preparing dinner. I did not base my achievements on my mother in law solely. I felt good about my cleaning abilities. I had other woman commenting on how clean my home always was even when it was messy.

Awww I can rest in that area and move on to another challenge on my list.


Then it happened. Out of NOWHERE. I was sitting in the church pew enjoying the morning message when he hit me with it. Who? the pastor of course What? with his words of course

I won't make you guess, I will come right out and tell you what he said. ".....blah blah blah....and my wife is excellent at cleaning and she will be more than willing to mentor any of you ladies and even come into your homes and teach you how to clean....blah blah blah."

I will mention here that I felt certain while he spoke to the entire congregation, his eyes remained focused on me. The blah blah blah was my own input. I did not hear anything else that he said after the comment on his wife other than blah blah blah The message he had been giving, which I am certain was of great value, turned into mush in my head and came out blah blah blah.

Ok, new mission. I am going to check this out. Maybe we can partner on this house cleaning mentorship. :) It wasn't many days after that I went to her house for lunch. In customary fashion, she showed me around her house.

The subject of partnering with her did not come up nor did she ever know that I had any intentions of partnering with her nor did she know I had silent hopes she would never ever come to my home until I could hire a maid service to arrive immediately before her arrival. Her house was immaculate. My house was clean. There is a difference.

And so it was - no matter what I have done, achieved, won an award at or have had positive comment on, someone else out there, beneath the bright morning star, noonday sun or pale night moon sky, is better or more accomplished at.

Someone is more knowledgeable of power point, has longer eye lashes, a cleaner home, a more fruitful garden, talented children, is a more submissive wife, is more refined, speaks well, writes well...the list goes on and on.

You will have your own opinions of me and my accomplishments of course. But what can I do? Do I give up? Do I resign myself to knowing I will never be good enough and stop trying?

I know
God is doing amazing things in me and through me.
I am valuable to God.
I am dearly loved by God.
I have a purpose...

So why do I keep allowing what others think or do get in the way of my success? Why can't I remember more to keep my eyes on Jesus, looking full in His wonderful face. Then the things of this earth will grow strangely dim. In the light of His glory and grace.