Panic

Seems I am still prone to panic attacks. I don't like them. I don't like me when I am in the midst of one. I become someone I don't understand and can't find control over the situation. In some cases, I can't seem to find a sound enough mind to return to my normal self, which is not exactly normal but at least I do exist in a more soundly fashion.

So what will it take? Counseling, medication, a change of scenery....I really don't know.

I have never been one to discuss personal issues. Even when in counseling I would usually say all is OK rather than fine because I knew that was a mis-statement or state this face is modeling a pretender. Pretending all is well, rejecting reality, is what works for me in some areas. Getting to the depth of the issue is what I need to do but not sure exactly where to begin. Frankly, at this point in my life I don't even have the time to work it through so I just keep plugging along hoping the hand figiditing and leg shaking will melt away.

I do have a kinda sorta plan to help me in the days ahead. I have a doctor appointment and hope I will find some answers. I suppose though I will have to work beyond stating I am OK and really don't know why I made the appointment to begin with.

Silly me