I haven't written in awhile. I know, you don't have to send me a memo. I am still here, the words are in me, yet I don't speak.
I've tried to write. I've tried to speak. A flood of tears begin to surface. I can't continue on in those moments and so I retreat, leaving my words unspoken and safely hidden somewhere inside. I don't want to cry. I've cried enough.
Life is a bowl of cherries. The fruit is a delight. Don't dare bite into one or you will run into a pit. Tis true, life can be the pits some days. Even in the best of times, pits have their way of surfacing.
And as I focused on school, work and tasks at hand, I shouted out - please send someone Lord, for me to cry with. Someone who will understand, listen and help me through the pits - the uncertainty and puzzles in my life. Where are you God?
As I finally spoke my heart, I heard the Lord say - "I am here as I have been all along. I have been with you during the best and worst of days. I hold your hand, I hold your tears and your heart too. I will forever love you, just as you are. The tears - life is not easy but you will survive. Don't hold back, let the healing tears and my love comfort you. The pain - I know it seems unbearable at times but this too shall pass. You will be stronger one day. The pain is shaping you into the person I've called you to be. I take each step in your day with you. I guide you on the path, when you let me. Sometimes, you get in the way. It's OK. I am patient."
I have talked more to people lately than in the past about my life. There is still so much I am unwilling to burden others with - but I need help. Some people are rocking my world right now. I can't figure it out - the whys and what fors.
I'm hurt
confused
saddened
a little lost
I'm struggling.
Tasks I don't want to do and yet they need to be done are at hand. Words I don't want to say and yet they need to be said are necessary.
I think someday, maybe in three years time, I will look back and say that life was not so bad. For now, I hold back and surround myself with a protective wall so I am safe, so I can survive.
I've tried to write. I've tried to speak. A flood of tears begin to surface. I can't continue on in those moments and so I retreat, leaving my words unspoken and safely hidden somewhere inside. I don't want to cry. I've cried enough.
Life is a bowl of cherries. The fruit is a delight. Don't dare bite into one or you will run into a pit. Tis true, life can be the pits some days. Even in the best of times, pits have their way of surfacing.
And as I focused on school, work and tasks at hand, I shouted out - please send someone Lord, for me to cry with. Someone who will understand, listen and help me through the pits - the uncertainty and puzzles in my life. Where are you God?
As I finally spoke my heart, I heard the Lord say - "I am here as I have been all along. I have been with you during the best and worst of days. I hold your hand, I hold your tears and your heart too. I will forever love you, just as you are. The tears - life is not easy but you will survive. Don't hold back, let the healing tears and my love comfort you. The pain - I know it seems unbearable at times but this too shall pass. You will be stronger one day. The pain is shaping you into the person I've called you to be. I take each step in your day with you. I guide you on the path, when you let me. Sometimes, you get in the way. It's OK. I am patient."
I have talked more to people lately than in the past about my life. There is still so much I am unwilling to burden others with - but I need help. Some people are rocking my world right now. I can't figure it out - the whys and what fors.
I'm hurt
confused
saddened
a little lost
I'm struggling.
Tasks I don't want to do and yet they need to be done are at hand. Words I don't want to say and yet they need to be said are necessary.
I think someday, maybe in three years time, I will look back and say that life was not so bad. For now, I hold back and surround myself with a protective wall so I am safe, so I can survive.
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