Pressure

I close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like to feel from the very depths of my being, exactly what serene is. What would I need to change, to do differently in order to feel more carefree...and so I ponder.

Was it too much at once - the freedom that entered my world.

I said I do best at baby steps. Somewhere along that road, leaps and bounds took over. Now, today, at least at this moment, I am suffering from those giant steps I took.

Dark, damp and cloudy morning is what I work up to. Last night I was so exhausted I did not have strength to lift dishes to place back in the cupboard. I fell asleep while working on the computer.

However, changes have entered my life for the better. Everyday has evolved more and more into all that I dreamed and visioned it could be. So what's my problem - what are the issues that are rocking my world.

...and so it is...I do as I too often do - I analyze.

What is an ordinary day for me now. I haven't taken time to figure that one out. Each day is so full to the overload zone. Each day is different, things keep changing and being added.

OK then -
I am where I want to be. That can be checked off the list.
My children are in my life which is important to me. That can be checked off the list.
Responsibilities -
hmmm -
over the top.

I place too much pressure on myself. Must be the Navy upbringing. Having to have my ships quarters just so. Perhaps perfection and needing to be a people pleaser are my enemy.

I haven't left myself any time to just sit and breath. Why do I place myself in these volcanic situations knowing an eruption of some kind will surface.

part two tomorrow