Standards

...having to submit

where I sat

what time I went to bed

saying I love you on your demand

making your lunch daily, your particular way

Standards that changed with your mood

...when I was allowed to chat on the phone

what meals were to be

what I could watch on TV

lipstick or chapstick

my time allotment on the computer

how I respond to your statements and behavior

Standards I wished and prayed were not standards

how I showed you my love

how I expressed who I am

how I wished I could have been free to love and be me

then perhaps my love for you would not have grown cold

I would not have died as I did

or

spent nights feeling alone

in the darkness, with tears in my eyes,

longing and waiting for what I felt

was my only escape...

the sweetness of death to save me