Saturday, October 29, 2011

Lost

I knew him but I didn't. We were friends but we weren't. Does that make sense?

Who really knows a person...hmmm I wonder

He was a physically strong man, smart, nice looking, kind and caring. The kind of guy who was always looking out for others. In some cases, forgetting to care enough about himself.

Then one day a horrible tragedy occurred in his life. A moment in time he couldn't take back. Things he said and did during a moment in time that were so unlike him but then maybe that was in his character. After all, he had never been put in that circumstance before. How could he or anyone know how he would respond.

It was hard on him. The tragedy was rough. It affected not only him but many people in his world. He went back to work but I could see it in his eyes - he was not the same.

Days went by and he wandered through his work day as if he was on the outside of himself, prompting his body to move forward. He spoke little, as if there were no words left to say. Maybe in this new world that he was entering he had not yet figured out the language that he had to acquire nor the way to be as he was still not the man he was.

Therapy didn't seem to be of help. Friends advice were words that bounced around the room. No one understood or could relate to what he had experienced and yet they insisted he make changes, let it all go and be the old buddy they had before that tragic day.

He became angry - at the world and at himself. He mourned the day and questioned who he really was. Had he been sleeping all of those years that had passed and who was this person they wanted him to be.

Nothing made sense anymore.

I could see it in his eyes. He was not the same person. I saw a lost man in his eyes. I wondered if he would ever find his way back again. I wondered if he would ever find happiness, if his smile would ever return.

I don't recall how long it was, more than months but not longer than years until one day as he walked past me, I could sense something had changed in him. He had found answers to his questions, at least some of them. He smiled. His eyes were bright and cheerful. He seemed excited about what possibilities there were in his day.

I was happy for him and jealous at the same time.


and so it was.......just as he was beginning his new life, tragedy struck again. This time, tragedy took his life, along with the answers to my questions.

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