It just might be...

possible. Truth is, silently each winter when I experience the first snowfall, I dream that things will one day change. The change I have been waiting for is me enjoying the holidays. Especially Thanksgiving and Christmas.

People seem so upbeat. Friends and families gather. I see warmth and love in their eyes. Laughter, lights, colors, music, and celebrations are happening everywhere.

I want to belong. I want to embrace it.

It's up to me. I know I am the one that has to let walls down, be rid of past hurts, and open my mind to the possibilities.

There is hope, isn't there always? I learned something new over this past summer. I have spent time with new friends, one in particular, and have listened as they talk about the holidays. I have listened as they talk about their plans for the holidays and how intense they are and how their eyes sparkle with delight at the thoughts. Of course that same person likes camping and so maybe they don't know what they are talking about...giggle

My sister in law loves Christmas. She starts waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too early setting up her Christmas Village and decorating her home, so says her husband. She loves the holidays. For years it was a sad memory for her, due to a nothing you can do about it circumstance. She didn't let that keep her from grasping back onto the love she has for the holiday and the memories that she has of sitting around the kitchen table painting buildings and homes for the village with her mother. The chair she sits across from is now empty, and I am sure the pain is still present and tears still at times fall, but Patty has not let that block her from moving on, which is the right thing to do.

Why do I have to be given perky and wise people like her around me during the holidays? It only makes not liking them all the more difficult!
giggle
If we weren't friends I would never say that about her but well, strange things happen and somehow, over the years we have found out that we like each other and we can be friends and much to our surprise, we are enjoying our friendship.

I have decided I want to learn. I have decided I want to be a part of what I see others experiencing. I have missed out too many years on all the wonders of the holidays for too many reasons. I don't think this kind of change is something I can learn from reading a book or magazine or even take a class on. I think it is more one of those hands on kind of learning events.

I can't wait!


Do you think these shoes will help me get into the spirit of the holidays?