So I write

I won't tell you what was on my mind last night when I went to bed but will give you this tad bit of view. From where I was laying I saw two night stars. One was centered in each portion of the windows. Neither were very bright so they must of had their eyes partially closed just like I did. I wondered if they were twin sisters, lonely and lost, up in the night sky searching for each other, and yet, there they were, within reach of each other and perhaps not being aware of it.



Isn't it just like that in life? We searched for a friend or mate and all along, they were right there by our side. Maybe we get too busy. Maybe we are blinding to them by the guide map we hold while pacing out the steps to find them like a giant X on a treasure map.



Or, we search for a product in the store until every possible aisle has been covered at least twice until we finally ask an employee only to have them point to the shelf right beside us. There it is, the item you searched for! humph Personally, I think it is some sort of master plan to keep me in the store longer, thus purchasing more items than were on my list.



Sometimes, as I write or speak, one subject appears to have nothing at all to do with another, and yet, it does somehow. So, considered yourself warned and proceed with caution.



With last nights work day on my mind, added to what was racing through my mind last night, I woke up thirsty, upset stomach and wanting to write. Just when I think I have my life and the people in my life figured out, I find I was wrong. Then I have to come up with a new conclusion, knowing all the while that the conclusion I come up with will someday also have to change. Right when I have people and circumstances figured out, they change. Or is it I who changes...



I have an important meeting today with one of my sons at an agency, that is going to help place him in a job. For that, I am thankful.



I will then be expected to take that son to lunch. The time I get to spend with him, one on one, I am thankful for.



Once I take him home, one of my other sons is expecting me to make blueberry muffins with him on this too hot day. The time I will get to spend with him in the kitchen I know will be priceless. For that, I am thankful.



My other son will be waiting for me to hand over a polo shirt I bought for him last night that is required for his new job. The fact that I have the tidbit of surplus cash to help him causes me to be thankful.



I love my sons, I love all my children but they are complicated to deal with at times.



I have a son in Texas who I get opportunities to chat with on the phone. The conversations are mostly one sided. Even when I speak he continues on with what he wants to say leaving me unsure if he heard any of my words at all but just the same, I am thankful for the opportunity to keep in touch.



I have a daughter who lives in Oregon that I am going to visit with this week. She is married and has two daughters of which I have only held and seen one. My daughter can drive me to crazy town but I love her just the same and am thankful she lives close enough to hopefully now, visit her often.



After the appointment this morning, the lunch date, muffin making and a visit with my sons, I will head home to prepare for work. The teen girls I work with also drag me into crazy town, or at least they make an attempt at it. However, I am thankful I have a job.



At this point I must mention a friend of mine who also can kinda sorta be complicated. At times they are mellow. I like mellow yellow...don't you? At times they are agitated in my opinion....I don't care to much for the color of agitation which must be a shade of red. Then there are the shades of purple and blues that describe their state of mind that causes to be a very pleasant person to be near. The short amount of time I spent with them yesterday was in all of those shades...how is that possible - people are complicated creatures.



My friend, my children, my mother, my current husband who I am in the midst of divorcing, my current co-workers, seem to have a pattern. Controlling - in varying degrees.



The wisdom of Plato - "Know thyself"



Seems simple enough don't you think, and yet it is a complicated process. I feel that I know who I am inside...I know myself, but I find myself continually changing who I appear to be on the surface in order to fit in or not show to the world that what they are doing or saying, has caused me to be anything other than OK with it all.



As I write those words I find the image of a chameleon enters my head. The chameleon changes color to fit into its environment for protection or perhaps to survive, and yet it doesn't change who it is. Read this description I found in Wikipedia of a chameleon- are a distinctive and highly specialized clade of lizards, some having the ability to change color. Does that make sense? Is that a process we all go through? I wonder...





Which I feel certain, will lead me to another blog post...



God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.