All Is Well

That's what they think.
That's what they believe.
I see it in their eyes.
They show it in their actions...
All is well

But it's not so.
All is not well.
Except...
In their mind.
In their thoughts.
Through the view from their eyes.
~N

What will it take for you to
remember that I exist
know that I bleed
and have feelings
thoughts of my own
that should matter
that should make a difference
~N

If you already feel
like you are at your
end place
and find you can fall
no further
is it possible to sink
even deeper...

When on the other hand
you feel you have
endured the race
ascend the tallest mountain
and look to find a wee bit more to the peak
then somehow find strength within
to endure the rest of the climb...

I suppose then it is possible to sink even deeper, if those are the rules.
~N

I have to wonder why
those that are strong
place unrealistic demands on
those that are barely hanging on

Is it they want them to fail
Is it they want them to break
~N

My Car

I like my car. It's burgundy. I like the color. The seats are soft and comfy.

I like my car because it is a place I can be alone. No demands. No wants or needs to listen to or fulfill other than my own.

The drive to work is always the same yet always amazing to me. I tend to forget how splendid the view of the sky is once I take that last bend on the highway.

This morning on my drive to work, I went over the last few days in my mind. I pondered all that I am up against in the next few weeks. Ok, not ALL. I don't have my life book in front of me so all I will be dealing with are things I know of.

Funny, but as i enter the last stretch toward a more than gigantic goal I have, the more I fret.

I wonder what the Lord is thinking. Is He smiling on me or is He frowning as he watches me, as He hears my prayers and dries my tears.

Sometimes what you want or need in life is not delivered in the most perfect package. Stuff comes with it at times - not always. This circumstance is one of the stuff times.

I'm keeping my eye on the prize. It helps. It comforts me. Although I still have to deal with the stuff and in this case, I have to do it solo. Mostly because I don't want to burden anyone else.

Emotions are dragging me down the most. I'm on overdrive keeping them in check, keeping them under control.

This morning I'm glad for the peace and quiet of my car.
I'm thankful for the sky view that always excites me.
I'm blessed with good friends, amazing children, a great job and know my Adonai loves me.
Last of all, beside me is a hot cup of coffee that I have been sipping on along with munching on carrots and almonds for breakfast and NOONE is telling me I can't.

I can't help but smile.
I can feel it - it's going to be another good day.

Invasion

I was rambling about invasions yesterday. Not from aliens, although...hmm

Invasions in our personal spaces.

Then I got to thinking about acts/actions people do. Some are that - just acts. Like the fake hug or fake smile or fake 'I care about you' comment. That is when they become acts, just motions people mindlessly go through. Although, the receiver might not even know.

Acts ranging from a hello wave to more intimate movements or gestures, when not backed up with pure and true emotion from both parties, are painful and even hurtful. They can turn what should be an everlasting moment into everlasting emotional scars. Leaving in their wake, a shattered life, and mementos of traumatic events that can make lasting, in-ignorable impressions emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I know those very scars often remain as reminders of what was, making us stronger and make us who we are or will become.
I know my Jesus interacts with those who feel they are broken beyond repair.
I know God is there and he is listening.

Dear God, please make everything alright, sometimes I’m so scared.

Space

Space, the final frontier.... not I.

I have no desire to explore space nor even the space that exists from the top of a Ferris Wheel. Ok, maybe a Ferris Wheel but I'm just not going to want to be any higher. I don't like heights. I don't like fast.

The space I was referring to though is our personal space, the invisible boundary most of us have. I am not terribly tall so no fear of heights here. I am not terribly old but old enough to not power walk so no issues there either.

I try to keep aware of the body space of those I work with and am around, like to have. I have a body space range also. I think most people do. I have found that some people who don't like their personal space invaded, tend to invade other peoples spaces the most. Why I wonder

I knew it was inevitable. I knew it was coming and yet I was unprepared.

I suppose I must learn this is something I can't avoid and need to accept the occasional invasion.

Awkward

It was awkward.

He wanted to say something.
He had questions.
He lacked whatever it was he needed to approach me.

I wanted to say something.
I had questions.
I lacked whatever it was I needed to approach him.

We missed an opportunity that might not come our way again.

We both walked away with something left to say and a handful or so of questions still unanswered.

It was awkward.

Snow Globes

Don't you adore shaking snow globes and watching the snowflakes swirl then slowly drift onto whatever figurine or item are inside?

I don't collect them so don't put that on a list of my likes in case you are keeping track, but I have been enamored and fascinated by them since I was a child.

I feel like I am holding a snow globe in my hand. Only, I have my hand open rather than cupping the snow globe. The snow globe represents my hope, my faith in my tomorrow. I am hesitating the gripping process while the snowflakes are still swirling, unsure where the snowflakes may fall and uncertain what object or future will be revealed.

I must be more of a concrete thinker. I need things in black and white and to the point. I require facts where maybe and possibility live.

There have been too many times in my past where I believed in the possibilities only to watch them become impossibilities.

I want to be excited.
I want to believe.
I am holding back -
waiting
watching
listening

In the meantime, am I really living? kinda sorta

Am I wrong to not take that leap and embrace the faith that lives inside of me while I move forward in trust and belief?

Am I wrong to shelter my emotions that are still so fragile?

Weekend Ponders

What did you learn last week?

What was your greatest accomplishment over the past week?

Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why?

What’s the #1 thing you need to accomplish this week?

What can you do right now to make the week less stressful?

What have you struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week?

Are you carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped?

Is there anyone you’ve been meaning to talk to?

How can you help someone this coming week?

What are your top 3 goals for the next 3 years?

Have any of your recent actions moved you closer to your goals?

What’s the next step for each goal?

What are you looking forward to during the upcoming week?

What are your fears?

What are you most grateful for?

If you knew you only had one week to live, who would you spend your time with?

As I ponder those thoughts before the end of this week and a new one begins, I came across this painting. I like it. Don't you? The title is Pondering. Seemed fitting to post it today.


And even more still, this, is called Pondering Lake.

There are songs for the morning
and songs for the night,
For sunrise and sunset,
the stars and the moon;
But who will give praise
to the fullness of light,
And sing us a song
of the glory of noon?
Oh, the high noon,
the clear noon,
The noon with golden crest;
When the blue sky burns,
and the great sun turns
With his face to the way of the west!