Alone

I finished up my night rituals, walked to the bedroom and took a last glance at the bed before turning out the light so I didn't stumble on it in route. The bedroom is new for me. Placement of furniture in my new surroundings confuse me at times when my brain remembers where things were in the last place I lived in. I guess my mind hasn't caught up with my body yet. Finding my way down the long hall at night when it is dark sometimes becomes an adventure that is not so entertaining to me.


I ran my hand along the edge of the bed for guidance. As I neared the corner of the bed, I felt a sudden rush of an alone feeling. I reached up to open the curtains. It was a silent invitation for the world outside to keep me company. It was just what I needed. I quickly crawled under the covers. Even before my head could snuggle into the pillow, I locked my eyes on the sky. A star or two twinkled. I imagined they were winking at me in recognition of their invite into my night. A kinda sorta thank you. A kinda sorta, "It's OK, you are not alone," response. I raised my arm and lent support to my head with my hand. I was tired. I was ready for sleep but the alone was keeping me awake.


Few cars passed on the road outside but when they did, their headlights added extra light to my view giving outline to the landscape. It is a lovely world.



Sounds were few. The train rumbling along the track is all I heard. I wondered if the night sky was feeling alone too.


Funny I thought, the night did not seem as dark as I thought. When I am outside at night, it is difficult to see, not enough street lights in this part of the city. From the darkness of the room, the world out there was lighter than I would have imagined. Maybe Mr. Moon was glowing somewhere out of my view.



Life is like that for me too. What I think is reality or truth becomes something all together different under certain circumstances. You too? I thought so.


Alone - an odd word. Sometimes it means comfort. Most of us need alone time. When we find those moments, we embrace them. I know I do. Then there are the times when being alone, when there is only me, the feeling is not so grand.



I found myself in between the two alones, needing to be alone and yet at that moment, not wanting to be alone. I kept my body still other than closing my eyes to draw my focus to the sounds of the night. Maybe there was something I was missing that could be just what I needed to help me through the moment. In my mind, I envisioned a cat with a fiddle and a cow jumping over the moon, giving way to the nursery rhyme. I'm not sure exactly what it was or where the sound came from but I thought I heard a lullaby. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe the Father of my heart felt my alone and sent His angels to sing to me. The sounds was heavenly to my ears so perhaps that was true. It didn't seem to matter what I was thinking as no one was there to tell me differently or that I was strange or giving in to crazy talk. I drifted into a new world of emotion that helped in drowning out the alone.


A feeling of freedom or being saved swept through me, warming and comforting me. I was of importance and no matter what I am feeling or where I may be, I never have to give in to the alone.