Angry

I was angry. I was in the mode to lash out and pondered ideas of just how I would accomplish my task.

There were words I wanted to speak, words that forged their way from my head to my heart but I did not dare speak them. I would not lower myself to their standards.

There were tears that flowed but they did not compare to the ocean of tears I was holding back.

All that anger because of the hurt that I was feeling inside.

Why do people intentionally hurt others? Mistakes happen, words are spoken that were not intended to go any further than a thought but somehow they leaked out into the atmosphere and reached the victims ears. Things take place before the hands of the one who took the action even knew what was happening. Both can leave the victim feeling like a dagger was just thrust into their heart, piercing their very being.

Mistakes I understand and can relate to. However, when someone makes a deliberate attempt to hurt another, that I don't understand.

It was a natural course of events and I understood that such a thing would happen but it came out of the blue. It came without warning. It was more hurtful than the physical hurts I have endured over the years from that same person.

So why did I let this bother me so? I was in a state of unbelief.

Today, the anger which was secondary from the hurt, is gone but the memory remains. It will linger I know. From time to time reminders will cause the event to surface and most likely tears will flow once again. However, I hope with each passing day, I will find ways to move on, to grow from what happened and not allow the scar that remains to hinder my life.