Earthshake

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? I have been through a few. I lived in California for several years and in that time, there were plenty.

You can feel the ground move beneath your feet.

Vases, pictures and figurines shimmy across shelves.

At times, items fall off shelves and crash to the floor.

You can hear a rumbling sound.

Earthquakes last seconds but when you are in the midst of them, it feels like far too many minutes and you wonder a lot, at least I do...

when did it start

from where did it begin

when will it end

where do I go

do I keep standing where I am or seek shelter

When it is over, you know you were there during the whole event but if someone were to ask you to describe what happened, moment by moment, it might be a difficult task. Your mind can become cluttered with emotion causing you to not recall all of the events you just witnessed.

There are usually aftershocks. Waiting for them and wondering if they will be as powerful as the quake itself are thoughts you might have. I remember the emotions; I felt as though a personal assault had occurred. I was left feeling uncertain, insecure and unsure of how to proceed.

Not only had my body and surroundings been shaken, my world was thrown out of wack. I didn't function in my normal routine for a few hours until I did a lot of self talk on what had happened and working myself back into life as it was before.

Funny how something so common, at least in California, could continue to affect me like that. It always caught me off guard. Perhaps if I lived my life then in constant preparation for the coming event I would have sailed through and been able to pick up the pieces and continue on in my day as if it were nothing more than a thunder storm.

In the Land Before Time movie, Littlefoot referred to the event as an earthshake. I think his words more accurately describe the sensation.

Now that I have tried to tell you how earthshakes affected me, I will continue on with what my mind is dealing with this morning. I have discovered that you can experience earthquakes in relationships. People say or do things that to me, feel as though I am going through a personal earthshake. They come without warning. I can hear rumbling. I feel my world shaking beneath my feet. I wonder where it began and when it will end. I wonder if there will be aftershocks, if I say words or make gestures, if they will be misunderstood and cause an aftershock.

I must say that those kinds of earthshakes that happen in my world are more difficult to work through. Seems the time frame of recovery is longer. Seems I would be more able to recognize the signs of a coming earthquake by now...but I never see them coming.

You would think a good nights sleep would bring back peace of mind but that is not always so. I spent last night laying in bed wishing on stars before I drifted to sleep. My night was broken up with bad dreams. I would wake and try to change the channel of my dream by singing songs to myself but that didn't help, at least not last night.

I woke wondering what I need to do to keep them from re-entering my world. Do I work on talking less? Do I work on doing more acts of kindness? What is the key or will my life always be filled with earthshakes...