Flashes of Lightening

...and rolls of thunder took over the evening.

The calm that held my mind and body had been interrupted by a storm...

Everything I hold onto, everyone I feel a need to keep at a distance, all that I hold deep inside my heart, I protect by the glass walls that I spent years building around me. Too much pain and hurt have come my way. At least that's what I felt I must to do to survive in this world

From this side of the glass walls, I can view the beauty of all that exists and draw the shades or close my eyes when darkness falls. I feel protected and yet still afraid. I am content most of the time, and yet, I am sad as I see so many hands and hearts I long to reach out for a touch from or be held by.

I fear the moment when the glass walls I built will shatter. Will I lose myself as the fragments of glass fall at my feet or will they dissipate into the atmosphere - forever lost?

A part of me is afraid to let go and surrender my love, reveal who I am, and let anyone enter my world too closely.

Perhaps I am wrong

Perhaps I am right

Who is to say

Time would tell

...and so it was, the flashes of lightening and rolls of thunder that I had heard once upon a time not so long ago took me by surprise. Only a moment ago the world seemed like a familiar place, although the aroma, sounds and conversations that filled my space were a stretch to my comfort zone.

Through it all I smile. I made conversation and stayed near those I knew. I sang songs in my head to drown out all the intrusions to keep my sanity.

The night wore on slowly. I was pleased with myself because I was actually dealing with this newness and did not listen to the voice in my head that kept telling me to find an escape

One by one, those I knew made their way to the exit. My time at this place had not ended yet so I settled myself into the chair and fixed my gaze on the one soul out of the many that calmed my heart.

Still, I felt alone, even in the company of so many. I didn't fit in, no matter how hard I tried to make believe that it was so..that somehow...I did belong.

Right before the clock chimed midnight and I could make my way out of this place to the comfort of my waiting chariot, a sudden presence sent chills of fear through me. I felt two hands grab at mine where I had securely placed them in my lap.

I saw his lips moving and knew he was speaking, beckoning me to join him. Someone muttered from across the table, "You are safe with him," which added to my anxiety.

I froze. I felt small and vulnerable. I wondered if I had smiled too much, stayed too long or crossed a line I should not have, as always being certain moments such as this were my fault.

I spoke in response, " I can't, I can't." The words my heart really felt wouldn't come, couldn't come.

I felt trapped. The lightening flashed bright in my eyes. Thunder rattled my glass walls of protection.


"Never again, never again." I repeated it over and over at first only to myself but then my words became audible.

Where was my prince?

Only he could save me now.

Why wasn't he more near to protect me...

but alas

it wasn't so...