Commercial Break

Every now and then my mind takes a commercial break from my too fast paced life. Like last night, for some odd reason, I was sitting quietly, listening to someone take me on bunny trails that were really quite amusing. All of a sudden a glimpse of my day unfolded in my mind. It was unpleasant and brought on more burdens and worries and unsafe emotions. It felt like a heavy weight suddenly fell over my body as burdens and pressures of my life, rose to the surface.

When I was a child and would wake from a bad dream - I watched far too many Vincent Price movies as a child :) - I would lay in my bed, in the darkness of the night, and blink my eyes. I would pretend that as I did, I was changing channels, causing my most current thoughts or dreams to make way for a new program that I hoped would be more like a fairy tale princess dream so I could go back to sleep. Silly I know but children do have creative minds.

However, in my adult life, at that moment, experiencing a kinda sorta day time night mare, I found myself for a minute or two, feeling as though I was going to fall apart. I wondered if this is how it felt to have a break down. I wondered if this time I would not return to reality and was there still room in my mind to lock away more bad experiences.

There are some occurrences that happen in my life that overwhelm me to where I can't even speak about them. I know - that talking about them is the healthy thing to do. However, for self preservation, I refuse to allow myself to speak what was done or said to me out loud. I suppose, I keep hoping that those thoughts will grow bored of living in my head and catch a jet plane to a more pleasant surrounding, leaving me in peace.

So...I return the fake smile to my face in hopes my heart and mind will be fooled into thinking that all is well.

...and so it was then, during recovery attempt from my minds commercial break last night, that I pondered....

When will I learn?

or is it

When will he learn?

and

Will I surive another day?