The Afternoon Was Blue

Sunday morning, after getting out of bed, I poured myself a cup of coffee and traveled out to the back porch and sat on the steps. It was nice out.

I noticed the Gerber plant had two new buds!

That caused me to smile.

My poinsettia that has endured my tender care but not so green thumb, has somehow survived, sprouts new growth and seems quite content to be living among the other treasures that live on the porch.

I felt something tickling my toes. I assumed it was a spider. There are far too many baby spiders being hatched on the outside walls of the duplex I live in, at least in my opinion. Every time I help them to spider heaven, wherever that may be, I think of Charlotte and wonder if she would weep in disapproval.

However, this time it was not a spider but sprinklings of rain. My toe nails, that are already sparkly, were even more glistening from the moisture the sky was providing.

It caused me to smile.

I listened for my animal neighbors and their sounds. They must sleep in on Sundays. As I was washing my car on Saturday, I had heard a new sound. It was either a goat or sheep. Ok, so I am not a farm girl...does wearing pigtails count? Anyway, I did not hear the donkey at all during the time I was outside yesterday but I did hear the goat/sheep. I visioned the donkey somewhere in that same pasture with its head down pondering his position of love and care now that he was sharing time with a new family member.

I scooted up the steps and seated myself on the carpet just inside the room. My feet were now on the dry step that is shelted by an overhang. I took a sip of coffee. It was still hot, just the way I like it.

It caused me to smile.

I thought about all the tasks I had accomplished yesterday. It made me feel good inside.

...and caused me to smile.

I gave thought to the trip I will be taking next month to visit my mother and sister in California and felt my heart miss a beat with excitment. I thought about the students I will be seeing tomorrow at work and how in a few months they will be moving on the first grade, making way for a new set of young people to grace their chairs in my classroom next fall. I thought about the upcoming cooking dates I have set up with my sons also.

It all caused me to smile.

Most of all I smiled because it felt good and like a healthy thing to do. Too many days in the past, and there are even days now, when I wonder if the world is upside down or am I? Now that I am in the midst of a new awakening and more clear from the fog that kept me caged for so many years, I find I am in a constant state of discovery as I make my way in this world.

Do you ever feel that saddness, sorrow and bad happenings hover just above the earth, waiting for an unsuspecting human to land on? Maybe looking for someone with too much joy or someone who is vulnerable to a life tornado - leaving behind destruction that cannot be repaired - to enter their life. I feel I have been living in the path of a storm that I didn't see coming, nor did I know it would last so long.

I heard it stated that sometimes life draws out like a long blade and while at other times, life allows you to draw in a deep breath and soak in the colors of the season. I must say that I can relate to that theory.

There are times when I can't hold a thought in my head or gain sanity when I most need it.

That afternoon arrived coated in blue for me as my head filled with thoughts of a task that I needed to complete in order to gain closure.

I don't merely want to survive anymore so I drew my thought process to take hold of a word - HOPE. There is a road that lays before me. I know it will be a long journey. My hope is that the journey will be filled with days of less storms and be more filled with love, joy and peace that I long for and selfishly feel I deserve.

My future - it is uncertain, but then who of us knows any of our tomorrows for sure? I only know that I am purposefully working to make my days ahead as splendid as my dreams say they can be.

...and never give up hope

...which causes me to smile