Empty

I had no idea how empty emptiness could feel. I am not enjoying the experience. It is usually at night when darkness and quiet surround me, when my fears and hopes start filtering through my mind.

I've learned one thing, don't have dreams unless you are able to hold on tightly to them because dreams can slip away.

My life changed directions recently. It all started hmmm....long ago and oh so far away. This past summer was when the majority of changes took place. Sometimes changes feel unnatural. Does that make sense?

I'm stronger, yet still weak and feel alone - although I know I am not standing alone. It takes all my strength to keep from shutting down altogether. My body doesn't listen well. I say to myself, "you're going to make it", but my body shows signs of breaking and then I hear myself kinda sorta chanting, "you're not going to make it through this one."

I work on keeping positive thoughts and play music as often as possible that is uplifting. My mind and heart don't always listen well. The positive words that flow in, read more like a stack of papers from a story book based on someone elses life. Surely this isn't my life story. Surely the sky won't fall, my smile will return, be for real and not so fake. Most of all, surely the pages will keep turning in this kinda sorta story book and before I find the page that says the end, I will see the events turning into a happy ever after. Wouldn't that be lovely?

I know - it will only be a wee bit more time.

I feel as though I will never see the sunrise again and wonder where the roses and wine for my life are hidden.

Life has certainly got my attention.