Workings of My Mind

How can I begin to explain the workings of my mind or how my heart feels torn apart? It frightens me and causes me to shield my heart. Have you ever felt that way?

Some days I think folks in my world look on me as their personal entertainment. I pretend all is well, keeping a 'poker face', as they torment me with their words and actions.

As I attempt to leave what was before, it won't let me be.

It's been a hard task - this changing of my life.






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Today was a hard day to handle. I decided to get some help. My choice was a snickers bar or Starbucks. Dark Cherry Mocha won. I made my first stop on my long list of to do's, at Starbucks. Not as successful as I had hoped in being a remedy but it did taste very good.

I made two important phone calls that actually, were someone elses responsibility. Getting that out of the way, I drove to the next place to tend to on my list and found it was closed for the day. Hmmm

The next item on my list was another phone call. The answering party insisted the conversation had to take place in person. Oh bother, my mind said in Pooh Bear fashion.

On to my next stop to make a purchase. Parking was great that time of the day as most folks were at work. I found what I needed and headed up to the register. No one waiting in line...yippee Then, my wallet dropped, spilling out a majority of its contents onto the floor. Kinda sorta felt like a comparison to my life as lately I feel it too is being dropped out in pieces on the ground, so actually rather fitting for this day.


Back in my car and on the road, after stuffing the cards and slips of paper back into my wallet which meant another added chore later in the day to place them where they are suppose to be. Yes, my wallet has a zipper on it but I find too time consuming to zip and unzip. Can you relate?

While driving along the road, I heard my cell phone event alert go off. I picked it up from off the passenger seat and noticed that along with the alert, I had several text messages and two returned phone calls to respond to.


At that moment, I was a voice of words but had an ocean of tears taking over, so I put the phone back down on the seat and continued on my drive and to do list, adding to that list, the text messages and phone calls I would have to deal with later in the day.









Ah, what I wouldn't give for a moment of dawn. To see and feel the hope of light beginning to make an entrance on the horizon...