.... and so she asked, "How are you feeling today?"

I feel a bit of distress, confusion, controlled, like I am trying to move on and move forward, yet I see that I am instead, taking steps backwards. I feel angry with myself.

"When was the last time you felt peaceful?"

Hmmm. Moments come and go of peacefulness. They don't seem to last. I am not sure how once they arrive, to keep them. Is there a trick to that?

"What is it about those moments that cause the peace to leave you again?"

There are times when I feel I have every responsibility checked off of my list and I do something for me, like visit with friends or walk through a store and browse at nothing in particular. Then I get a text message that I allow to interrupt and the whole cycle starts all over again. You see, I have lived my entire life knowing that if I can make sure everyone around me is content, then I survive. It is time consuming and mind wearing.

"What could others do to help you feel content?"

You are asking me questions that I have no answers to. I have not experienced contentment long enough to know how it really feels nor do I know how to do that thing called relax.

and so I ponder what was said and how I felt inside
I gave thought to what she said, to what I said and much thought to what changes I need to make

change is hard when it deals with other people in my life
I don't want to ever be selfish but it seems there are times when a person needs to do for themselves in order to be a more productive and healthy being

so I move on....

content with the past because it is a done deal, there is nothing I can do to change the past and keeping myself trapped in the past is not helping me at all

believe I will find strength in my moments of weakness

keep clear of people who, not intentionally meaning me harm, never allow me to change

recognize and embrace the life that has been patiently waiting for me

and

....as I move on,
I know there are no guarantees but I also know that I am not alone