A Plethora of Thoughts

How do days get that way? I wonder. I woke having my agenda pre-set, which by the way, is how I function best.

I remember feeling calm and at rest as I finished up the last bit of work I needed to do before heading to town. Before getting up from the desk, I embraced the rare quiet that filled the house. Laughter and the sounds of love - be loud if you will - but oh how dreadful the other sounds are that darken my world.

Now, singing my heart out while driving along highway 12...windows rolled down to experience the fragrance of Autumn's approach and the extreme coolness of the morning air fills my car, making it less likely for me to sweat so much from the next old lady hot flash. They come without warning you know. I don't think a princess should sweat, do you? I am unsure who to put in a request form to on that subject, do you?

In my view, other than the road and chip trucks, are slight changes in the side road scenery. The most colorful season of the year is approaching with all the good and bad that can come with it.

I prefer Autumn to the word Fall. The season, as each do, brings with it change. If Autumn brings change, perhaps I can handle it with grace. If Fall brings change, hmmmm, Fall and change sound like something of a sudden drop. I prefer to opt out of sudden drops, wouldn't you?

~

The shopping went well. I even picked up something for a friend which felt nice. I searched through the 'make fun of your age' birthday cards for my sister in law but know that someone else wanted to pick it out so I could only giggle and dream but all in all, it was an enjoyable moment.

~

Back on the road home and mind wanderings....'what the promise was - when everything failed, you'd be held.'

While that - tis true- it is also true that there are times when being held is not enough, speaking for myself.

The majority of people I know, feel a hug, given or received, can be quite sufficient.

There are times, when being held, which to me, is kinda sorta a hug, and silence in understanding is all I need.

I have a friend who kinda sorta understands that which I consider a blessing. But then there are times when they say, 'you need a hug' and I, soooo not want a hug.

There are times when I don't know what I need. Times like today when depression casts a cloud over the joy that was shining it's warmth on me only a moment ago.

Depression - what a horrible state of being. Where does it come from? How can I send it away? And, if I can, will depression find someone else or will it dissipate into the atmosphere, no longer being in the form of depression, and transform into a fog that rises to enter the clouds. Then, one day, return to earth at it's appointed time, in the form of rain drops that blesses as it quenches those who thirst?

~
Results of driving and thinking...

This road, this route I take over and over again to town, is so ordinary. Sometimes I think the car could drive itself like a horse who has gone the same trail and does not need direction from the rider. I think I need to have someone along with me to point out beauty that I have long forgotten. Trees I did not notice or even the sleekness of the new Lebree off ramp we have.

That is how EVERY trip was when my children were little. They always helped me to view things real and imaginable with each road trip, whether to the doctor or to school. I recall a funny trip where my son who is now 27, then was 6, wearing his brand new glasses, leaned his head out the window of the car and reported to me that he now could even see ants that were crawling under a rock. I was so filled with joy that he was content to have to wear glasses and so filled with wonder as I with he, imagined an army of ants UNDER a rock. kids...I love them and their minds.

I think, if I try harder, I can find newness in this common, nothing out of the ordinary drive I take all too often and make it joy filled and new by purposing to take note of mini waterfalls that might be forming on the hills lining the highway, or deer waiting under trees for a clearing in the road to cross as they head down to the lake.

In the meantime, I reached for my ipod, tuning out the worries that were beginning to fill my mind and drifted along to Whistle Down the Wind which encouraged me to be rid of the chills and weeping...

~

I have a friend who is very thoughtful. The other day we were on a mission of running errands and job hunting. They led me on an unexpected detour to a Hallmark shop. Why...because I like browsing through Hallmark and for no other reason at all....
:)

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Today my plan was to make dinner early as it was going to be pizza, which is very time consuming to make. The smell is wonderful and the end result is delightful. As I stopped from chores to check out the time - turns out - this is not early at all, in fact, it's the normal time I always start pizza.

bummer

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There are many people in my life, much like your life, I assume. There is one person in my life that I have known for many years and yet the thing call communication has never happened.

Ok, communicate we do but the form it takes is more like just words that flow or in some cases, are thrown forth. Oftentimes, the communication is not in words that make sense to me. Sometimes I feel like a foreigner or perhaps they are the foreigner.

Why is that? Is there a course on communication? If so, what if both attend and both, after completing the course, come out with two different views of exactly how to communicate? What then? Would that time have been lost or a worthless waste of time?

~

The day is drifting away from me. I do have much to accomplish and have spent more time than I had given myself to write. Although, I do feel as though writing has helped me today, to be rid of some burdens that just would not let go. And, I did get to spend some time with you, which makes my heart sing.

Thanks for stopping by. Next time, lets do coffee on the back porch.