Fading

If I close my eyes I might fade away. At least that is how I feel lately.

I head out for work and grab my purse and then as I grab hold of my bag and heave the strap up over my shoulder, I can feel the weight of what needs to be done.

I keep my bag with me almost always. In there I have lists of things to do and papers that need to be completed. Most days, I get to only one or two things.

Hmmm

I have lists of things to do in my head also that adds to my level of ... kinda sorta stress.

I know, I should be content in doing my best and achieving all that I am able during the day and let the rest go when I lay my head on the pillow at night. But instead, I take a gander out the window and when on nights, the clouds free up the stars for me to view, I count them and know that each one represents something I need to do. When I see clusters of stars I think of my sons and pray for them and wish I could tell them good night.

Shadows fall across the sun sometimes. That happens to everyone in their world..I assume. Is that so for you too? Is that a bad thing or a normal occurrence....I wonder. And if so, how do you cope? I ask because I am not so sure I am coping.

I feel I have a grasp on the way my life should be ... perhaps ... believing that each new song is the beginning of a new dance and each new day is a chance to take a stance for what I believe and my desires, wants and needs.

I checked out my reflection in the mirror this morning...always a frightening task, but all the same, what I am feeling is what I viewed. A few new wrinkles, or is it I had not noticed them before, and I saw a weary face.

Sometimes I find I am running just to catch my breath. You too? What are we doing to ourselves?

...and yet, I'm opening up the door of life to test the water and am determined to ride this storm.