Recently I teetered more than ever before on a thin line that continually changed shape, as strong winds blew into my life.I think I carry too much (burden and worry) along the way, throwing off my balance. I would close my eyes and pretend all was well, kinda sorta blinding my mind with lies.
I tried blinking my eyes like I did as a youth after waking from a bad dream. No one came to my aid. I held out hope that the action of my eyes blinking would kinda sorta change the channel from nightmare to bliss filled dreams.
Nothing seemed to be a solution.
I didn't know what tomorrow would bring my way, where I would be and in what sort of mental state I would find myself in.
There was nothing within reach to take hold of. I cried out for help but no one seemed to hear me or understand me. If only I was given the ability to grow wings, maybe then I could have flown away.
I did my best to keep pretending that I had it all together. If I had fallen off the thin line onto the side of insanity, would I be consumed or would I simply break into pieces. Maybe I would just lay there lifeless and flat as a pancake - without butter and syrup.
I gave a lot of thought to what my destiny might be. Would I one day be strong and bold for real or just keep faking it? Would I ever do more than survive? If so,
when - will that be
where - will I be
how - will it come to pass
I confess, I expected over sized men in white coats to show up at my door one day and take me away. As blessings come in the most unexpected ways, my rescuer was someone also, I believe, teetered on a thin line of their own.
Ah, peace, contentment and a somewhat sound mind - it's good to be back!
Yesterday I went to Tuesday morning bible study. I try to go on a regular basis. I was fine and very much wanted to go. I left feeling terrible.. (due to the fact that someone made a comment about me that was not uplifting)last night I was restless with the bear next to me making off key music with his snoring. Had a dream that had to do with a house and huge spider web...so am telling you this because my dearest friend is the one that created me. He loves me despite my short commings, my this and my that. He understands me better than anyone..He holds me together (with sticky glue)when the world around me seems so weird and I don't understand people.Blessings to you today!
ReplyDeleteI have read the entire blog as it is here (I did not check for archives) and Nancy, I think you are extremely brave to do this. Something I have been wanting to do for almost 2 years now but am just too fearful to begin.
ReplyDeleteI admire your fearlessness and find you to be a very good writer as well.
hugs,
belva
Roberta, I have VERY LITTLE time on the computer so I lack time to respond in the way I would like. In time, all of that will change. However dear friend, I value your input. I thank you for sharing your heart and as you must know, your encouraging words.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Nancy
Belva,
Hello old friend, not that either of us are old...right?! I added you as friend on facebook. We will have to exchange emails to get caught up on how life has rambled along for each of us these past several years. I am in Grand Mound currently. I work at Kmart and still at the school. And you?