Tools

We all have or seek tools, to enable ourselves for survival to perform at work or in life, at a more productive level. Do you agree?

I have tools of my own that over the years I have placed in my tool belt. If it were a real live tool belt, it would be lavender and for certain, have a compartment for Hershey Chocolate Bliss candies. The tool belt would have bling so I would look more like a princess. :)

However, the recent tools I have been given seem to lack their intended purpose which causes me concern. Concern that I don't talk about to myself, Rupert Holmes or even my bestest friend. Mostly because when the concern I have comes to mind, my stomach gets tied up in knots and I feel as though I am approaching a dangerous edge.

I see myself - my life and mind - sifting through an hour glass as grains of sand. At times, they move slowly at a steady pace. There is peace in my mind and all is well. Other times I find the grains flowing through at a speed I am not able to keep up with. My world fills with chaos, my stomach tightens and my brain goes into overload. I can't think clearly at that point.

Recently, I was given tools to slow down the process of sand through the hour glass, bringing back peace to my world. At first, they seem to work. Hours later, I find myself reaching into my tool belt for another tool that might be more effective as the tool I was using wore out. I get nuthin'.

I searched my tool belt for another option but there are none to be found. Kinda sorta like my source of tools ran out. So I searched other places for tools. I try one or two but they don't meet my need. I find myself moving into desperate mode and feel alone and afraid.....