Fitting In

I've talked about feeling like a square peg in a round hole before. Never quite fitting in anywhere. Last night it was again, brought to my attention, or probably more fitting is, I brought it to my own attention. Someone said something that was hurtful. Ok, reality says they said something and I received it in a hurtful way. I don't think they mean to do that but it happens on a regular bases. After awhile, I get tired of the process of saying, "This is what I heard you say, is that what you meant?" The process is tiring as the response is always the same and leaves me more hurt and confused than I was. So what is the point!


Then as I lay there with my tears hidden in the dark and in the silence, pondering what just happened and making the best attempt my body could to get past it, I thought about others in my world and how what they say and what they do is so against what I feel, believe and need. How I feel so alone and not a part of things. How words and gestures that enter my space in the place I should feel the most safe and secure at, all cause me to wonder why, why Lord is it so.

Do I google map misfit island...I wonder.
Do I take a road trip and keep driving until I feel I have reached the destination that fits me just right...I wonder.

And I wonder...would I meet up with other misfits, other square pegs that have been trying themselves to fit into the round holes, the spaces and places that others want them to fit into but they, for whatever the reason, simply cannot, and find they are unable to exist well in the world around them. Will I find them out there, somewhere like me, wandering, pondering and longing...just to be.