Sadness

The past two days I have been having a hard time dealing with my emotions. Darn those hormones! I have been feeling sad and down. I was not sure why. To be honest, I even wondered what I had gotten myself into. If the change I made, the move I made, was not the right choice.

I was alone. My car battery had died so the aloneness and the stranded feelings added to my mind wanderings. So here I am, Monday, back at work and have a new outlook and ready to ramble. Are you ready to listen ... or read in your case?

This morning while getting dressed for work, I could not shake the sadness. The tears kept welling up in my eyes. I was sad because I didn't want the sadness to show and felt unable to accomplish that. I was sad also for no apparent reason at all.

On the way to work it became clear. Funny, but in my car when I am away from the world, is when my personal space becomes truly my own, I am more able to think. I also find it more easy to hear from the Lord.

The change that took place Saturday the 21st, when I moved to a new location went fine. I went to work each day, came home and sorted through boxed items and placed things where them seemed the most appropriate to be at. All was well.

This past weekend was different. I was off from work for 4 1/2 days. I was away from familiar territory. That also meant I was not able to see my sons. I realized that the change that had taken place, the one I had waited for and embraced had been the reason for my sadness.

Are you wondering why and how? So did I. Then I pondered and chatted with the Lord. Had I made a mistake Lord? Was I never to be happy. Would sadness, nightmares and worries follow me all my days? Was there no where I could find true happiness?

I think I heard the Lord giggle. I know I felt His hand touch my cheek and I know I heard His comforting words.

The change did not seem so real when I was continuing in the rest of my world, in the familiar territory. It was when I was apart for so long from the place I feel at rest and I gained energy from - my work and from my sons who I adore, that I became sad from.

I felt a confirmation I had made a right choice in my move. I felt an understanding for my emotions. I was normal after all! Hurray.

I am looking forward to growing more. I am thankful I have good friends and Jesus by my side at all times. I am thankful I know have more insight into what was going on in my princess brain. I do wonder how large a princess brain is. Do you suppose a princess has a pea size brain or a crown size brain? If I get to choose, I choose the crown size brain please.

I do not have time this morning to write more. Are you happy about that? I am just glad that it all makes sense now. I am in hopes that the nightmares that waken me with fear and sweats in the night will stop now. The face of the person I see in my dreams standing there stiff and silent but somehow able to inflict fear and panic on me, I hope will now fade into the fog, kinda sorta like the fog I drove through this morning on my way to work. I don't like the feeling. I don't like the feeling of sad even though it is a perfectly normal emotion. I'm not over the sadness yet or the lonely feeling I have inside but I feel confident these next four days will be filled with more gladness than sadness.

I am back now and will be able to write more often again. I missed writing. I wrote a lot the past two days but without a computer I was not able to post. Now I have the task of trying to decipher my scribbles and hope I can translate those into a post in the next day or two.

giggle

Have a great day.