Where or Who I Wish I Were

In trying to understand the whys of me, I went back to the beginning of me.

Does that make sense?

Where I wish I were – near family.

If there is one thing I am guilty of, it’s being envious of families that are close.
Three years ago I traveled via plane sitting by my older brother on our way to California for Christmas with … you guessed it…family.

My older brother lives two hours from me but we don’t visit. In fact, I had not seen him in over 10 years. His choice.

My oldest sister dropped out of our lives for about 28 years then three years ago showed up on my mom’s door step…save that story for another chapter….never to leave again.

My other sister has not written or spoken to me, by her choosing, for 30 years.
Mom, I am required to send her letters. Each one must start with Dear Mom, and end with Love…. Are you surprised?

Childhood Nicknames aka as:
Kathy, oldest sister – Hippy Dippy
Ann aka Edith, Miss Priss
Moi’, Goodie Two Shoes

Oldest and youngest brother never got initiated into the hall of nicknames. Maybe that was a right of sisterhood.

Dad passed away when I was 16. Wish he were alive now that I am older and wiser so I could ask why and maybe even understand. I wish I could sit at his feet and listen as he tells me war stories. I wish it would be ok to hug him and tell him I love him just as he is and he would hug back and say the same.

My youngest brother – all the good memories of childhood are wrapped up in him. And yet, he left this earth all too soon. He was 21. There is so much I never told him.
The where would be around a long, long dining table at every holiday. There would be chatting, laughter and sharing stories with my brothers, sisters and their children.

Who I wish I were. Someone more complete, whole and stronger. A good mother, sister, daughter and friend. I wish I were a woman who could spend more time enjoying simple pleasures like quilts, waterfalls, rainbows, sunsets, sunny days and warm weather, squishing my toes in fine beach sand, reading, rediscovering old friendships, painting, cooking, black licorice, hot cocoa on a winter day, learning from the elderly and their life experiences, watching God work, encouraging others, helping others to seek their purpose and destiny, and finding God in all the simple everyday moments of life.