Ready, Set

I found I was able to fight back the morning gag reaction to the stress that I am dealing with this morning by doing more deep breathing out than taking air in. I found that interesting. It worked for a short while.

bummer

I feel I am at a crossroads and unsure where I will go or who I will be. I am certain in knowing that something has to change and I am making steps toward those changes. Change is not easy for many folks and in some cases, change is a scary place to be.

This change for me feels selfish so it makes it hard for me. I have done and done for others almost all my life, making sure others needs were met and if there was anything left for me, well then great, and if not, well then...great.

There use to be a place I went to every day that made me feel some relief but even that has been taken from me. There are places a person should be able to go and feel safe and loved but that does not exist any longer...for me.

Feels like I should be rejoicing in this day, this first day of taking a major step to change things but it feels sad. Sad that this is even a part of my world. I know, this too shall pass. That is an easy statement I have thrown out myself from time to time to others but when you are in the midst of things and the receiver of those words, it's somehow nothing more than words without meaning.

why is that

There is a lot to rediscover. I thought dealing with that part of my life was over. Memories that I had blocked have been returning. It is hard, hurtful, painful and yet I have been told, healing.

hmmm

A wish is a dream you wish to come true. I'm tired of wishing. I no longer view the night sky for the perfect star to wish upon.

If I take the path of my heart, do I even know where that will lead?
And when I arrive, will I know for sure I've arrived?
Questions, so many questions as I move on.
And what if, while I change you change also, what then?


...so until the stars fall from the sky and there are no tears left to cry...