I don't gamble but I have been told by a handful of people the past few years that I have a poker face. This being said to me after various people sat across from me and asked me questions or flew out words that they wanted a response to from me. In most of those cases, they want a response that is their own expectation and very unlike who I am. I wonder why people are that way.
Somethings don't need to be restated or even said. I prefer my actions to speak for me in many cases. With some people, words are only that, words. They aren't the words they want to hear or they don't understand the way your heart intended the words to be heard to them. Some people ask questions and are most unhappy with my responses. Some people I find, aren't really listening anyway. They hear my words but don't listen to what I am saying. So I thought, what is the sense in all those words then that I could dish out? Why not let my yes be yes and my no be no. Why not let the Lord handle all the in between garbage that seems so necessary to some people in this world? Why sp
eak words or give responses or jump up and down or cry only to appease someones desire for me...I guess, they want me to be them. That is what it seems to boil down to sometimes when folks want me to respond or share their exact same feelings. It is obvious and I don't appreciate it.
I wish they could take a closer look and see - I am not them. We are all unique. I prefer to stand strong on that. Also, there is that thing, that wall that I put up in self protection to guard my heart which is tender.That is why in many cases, OK, most cases, I prefer not to divulge too much information about myself, how I am feeling or what I might be thinking on a subject. Stuff gets dished out from mouths in my direction for apparent reasons or no apparent reason at all and I deal with it in my own way, mostly with silence. I then journal in my brain and heart to prepare myself for the next time because, my experience tells me there will be a next time.
A lot of the time that I am with my poker face, it is because I listen when people talk. How can you listen when you are jabbering? I know I can't. I watch their eyes and body language so I get the whole just of what they are trying to say to me. I have found myself entertained, disturbed, enlightened and even at times appalled by what they say or ask. All the while my mind is whirling with scenarios of why they are asking me the questions they ask and wondering why such things are so important to them. All the while my heart is talking to them with unspoken words but they don't often listen up. I sit watching in wonder as they dig and dig in such creative ways. People are funny, aren't they?
So think what you will. Assume what you will. I will allow you that and hope someday you will allow me my individuality and someday, just maybe, you will see I am who I say I am, I am who I appear to be. There is nothing hidden from view if only you would take the time to see with your inner eyes and hear with your heart.
Somethings don't need to be restated or even said. I prefer my actions to speak for me in many cases. With some people, words are only that, words. They aren't the words they want to hear or they don't understand the way your heart intended the words to be heard to them. Some people ask questions and are most unhappy with my responses. Some people I find, aren't really listening anyway. They hear my words but don't listen to what I am saying. So I thought, what is the sense in all those words then that I could dish out? Why not let my yes be yes and my no be no. Why not let the Lord handle all the in between garbage that seems so necessary to some people in this world? Why sp
eak words or give responses or jump up and down or cry only to appease someones desire for me...I guess, they want me to be them. That is what it seems to boil down to sometimes when folks want me to respond or share their exact same feelings. It is obvious and I don't appreciate it.I wish they could take a closer look and see - I am not them. We are all unique. I prefer to stand strong on that. Also, there is that thing, that wall that I put up in self protection to guard my heart which is tender.That is why in many cases, OK, most cases, I prefer not to divulge too much information about myself, how I am feeling or what I might be thinking on a subject. Stuff gets dished out from mouths in my direction for apparent reasons or no apparent reason at all and I deal with it in my own way, mostly with silence. I then journal in my brain and heart to prepare myself for the next time because, my experience tells me there will be a next time.
A lot of the time that I am with my poker face, it is because I listen when people talk. How can you listen when you are jabbering? I know I can't. I watch their eyes and body language so I get the whole just of what they are trying to say to me. I have found myself entertained, disturbed, enlightened and even at times appalled by what they say or ask. All the while my mind is whirling with scenarios of why they are asking me the questions they ask and wondering why such things are so important to them. All the while my heart is talking to them with unspoken words but they don't often listen up. I sit watching in wonder as they dig and dig in such creative ways. People are funny, aren't they?
So think what you will. Assume what you will. I will allow you that and hope someday you will allow me my individuality and someday, just maybe, you will see I am who I say I am, I am who I appear to be. There is nothing hidden from view if only you would take the time to see with your inner eyes and hear with your heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment